A Tale of Teaching and Tenacity

By Jamie Todd

Stephen was born with a heart defect that was corrected when he was 5 years old. During those first five years, it took a lot of work for Stephen to eat enough calories to gain weight. We were constantly aware of how much he gained.

After his surgery, Stephen thrived. It was a relief to see him eat well and grow without any effort at all. We were programmed to promote weight gain, and we did a good job, because he continued to gain weight. He, and we, had formed habits in those first five years that snuck up on all of us. Eventually we realized he had gained too much weight. Something needed to be done.
We first focused on increasing his activity. We kept Stephen so busy he never had a quiet moment. He spent all of his free time, and ours, at Special Olympics, Challenger Baseball, or horseback riding. It was good for him, but it didn’t bring the change we had hoped for.

It was time to look at eating habits, too. Making changes to our eating habits has paid off. The progress has been very gradual. It has taken years and there’s always room to improve. I see tremendous changes in Stephen’s habits and his appearance. He is learning and taking control of his eating slowly, but surely.

It began with baby steps. For example, my children have always taken their lunch to school. At first I made Stephen healthy low fat lunches. He would slyly trade them away for junk food for the better part of one school year. His classmates enjoyed them! I realized part of the problem was that I wasn’t involving Stephen in the process. He wanted some control about what he ate. I began offering him choices about what to make for his lunch each day. By offering him choices, he felt he “owned” that lunch and he ate it.

We also changed the environment at home. I began by purchasing healthier snacks, learning what the boys liked. I used subtle redirection to begin to change habits. Stephen constantly asked me for a snack when he was bored. We spent a lot of time rationalizing and negotiating about the types of snacks to choose. Then I began to encourage him to do a different favorite activity when he was bored: read. It was tedious and time consuming, but it worked. Soon, reading became the first response to being bored instead of seeking a snack. Once he had developed a different coping strategy to boredom, it was easier to talk about making healthy food choices for snacks.

Taking family trips is a natural time for everyone to be bored. We used a “snack bar” for the boys. Celery and baby carrots were cheap while Doritos and soda were very expensive. The boys were given a set amount of money to spend on snacks for the trip. They learned money management skills so their snack budget would last longer.
The greatest challenge we still face is portion control. A buffet is a disaster for Stephen. However, he does great when he is making a meal or snack with built in portion control. He has been testing recipes that are designed to serve one or two people. He loves cooking and is good at it. With the portion control embedded in the recipe, he doesn’t think twice about how much he is going to eat. Plus, if he wants more, the recipe is the bad guy, not me. Having the portion controlled by how much you make gives me a much-needed break from feeling like the food police. But if you give him a platter of food from which he serves himself, he’ll take enough for an entire family.

One of his favorite recipes is called, “Build-A-Sandwich” (available in Cooking by Color). The recipe provides guidance regarding how much of different types of food to use on a sandwich. He happily piles on vegetables galore because the recipes says, “Choose as Many as You Want.” This particular recipe has been a great lesson: you can eat more if you choose wisely.

At his heaviest, there was no way Stephen could button a pair of pants. His stomach literally rolled over the waist of the pants. One day he announced he wanted to “wear button pants like Dad.” I am proud to say that after years of work, he can now wear “button pants like Dad.”
Stephen, and the rest of us, are learning important lessons about healthy living together. By looking at habits and building in environmental controls for everyone, Stephen has experienced success without the pain of a “diet.” There are tough lessons, of course, but the focus has been on making choices and learning what he can do to meet his goals. It has allowed us to be positive rather than feeling like we have to police him every moment of the day. Are his choices always healthy? No. But then, neither are mine.

Reprinted with permission from Disability Solutions, Vol 6, Issue 2